egypt: pyramids and poverty

egypt was the most interesting place i've been to since China. it is definitely part of North Africa vs. Europe, and markedly poorer than even Turkey. sure, we saw donkey carts and goat herders in Turkey, but the standard of living there was much higher than that in alexandria, and definitely of that in giza where the roads are dirt, carcasses are floating in the irrigation canals, and a few people live in palm-leaf houses.


for this trip we opted for the cruise-led excursion. our guide, Zara (it means 'flower' in arabic), lived many years in California and was eager to prove to us that egypt is modernizing and full of culture.

• "the head scarves, they are culture, fashion; it is not a religious thing. women in egypt do not cover their faces." false. sure, most of the women use scarves as fashion accessories, but we saw a few head-to-toe pseudo burkha wearers.


• "alexandria is a cosmopolitan european city -- clean and modern." unless you consider horse carcasses clean, also false.


• "there are many religions in egypt. in one muslim tradition, if your daughter is not a virgin when she is married, the family kills her. yes, it is culture. just culture." um, that sounds like murder, not so much 'culture.' sorry, Zara, egypt has a ways to go.


• "there are no terrorists in egypt, except for in that huge prison complex where the Muslim Brotherhood members are kept." yeah, except them.

nonetheless, it was amazing seeing the pyramids -- 2500BC and absolutely amazing. come to find out, there are more than 125 pyramids in western egypt, we saw about a two dozen, give or take. surprisingly, the sphinx is teeny compared with the pyramids. the photos one sees are quite deceptive.


but the pyramids are not like going to a national monument in the U.S. imagine heading up to mount rushmore and having 6-9 twelve-year-olds hawking postcards, insistently, for a euro, add in three or four dudes on camels trying to give you a ride, or charge you a euro for even taking a photo. picture a few dozen tour buses and at least a million empty, sandy, crushed soda and water bottles. the place was a garbage dump. yes, folks, the last remaining wonder of the ancient world is home to pepsi bottle caps and camel dung. luckily we have young legs and sprinted past the melee to enjoy our 30 minutes with ancient history.

after the pyramids, we had an "interesting" egyptian lunch followed by a pharoh's tomb, a jeep ride through the dunes of the sahara, and a camel ride back to our bus. it was a long freakin' day, but worth every penny.

the next morning, we decided to venture out on our own into the port city of alexandria. as soon as we left the secure port, the egyptian cabbies swarmed us like flies on camel dung. it was insane -- about four dudes were fighting over who could take us on a 'tour' of the city, for just 10 euro! they followed us up and down the street, grabbing the arms of the guys and trying to lead us about. it was horrible. a testament to the desperation and competition for business in a country where the average male earns just $250 a month. after about 20 minutes, taking a detour through a food market (my favorite part of the day) and yelling 'no' in the faces of these guys, we were left alone, sort of.

as we walked down the street, every single horse-drawn-carriage driver would call to us, tail us if he could, yelling out the price of his one hour tour. no-no-no-no-no. thank you.

we found our way to the alexandria library -- actually a pretty cool place, the second largest biblioteca in the world after the library of congress -- where we took a little tour. as erin went in to submit some homework, i sat outside enjoying the people watching. this was a better egypt.

one woman called out "welcome to egypt!" as she passed, waving and smiling. as i stood up to take a photo of the rainbow of headscarves, a teenage girl walked right up to me and said "hello!" and then stood there awkwardly, because that was the only word she knew. i tried to pantomime that i thought her scarf was very beautiful, but i'm not sure if she got the message. "hello! thank you!" she said and re-joined her friends, again, more smiles and waves. and right before we left the library, a teenage couple sitting next to us on the bench politely shared their snack with us -- a sweet date bar. so, just like china, even though you can be appalled at the conditions, the poverty, and the insanity, the people can be warm and friendly.

it seems there were quite a few people that were truly happy to have us visiting and enjoying egypt. although, there were also quite a few that glared at us for wearing short sleeves. ying and yang i guess!

side note: we happened to stop by a hookah bar to have a couple-a egyptian beers. after casually drinking 1 liter of Sakkara, my friends somehow steered the conversation so as i accidentally blurted out the word "jihad" in the middle of the fine establishment. oops, holy crap. we split soon thereafter.

the boat

the norwegian jade, a 900-foot-long 14 story mega boat was full of experienced life-livers, 1,000 employees, a bunch of restaurants, two pools, four hot tubs, a gym, some sun decks, a horrible cover band we called The Nametags, and much better bathrooms than those found in the United Kingdom.


many people claim that cruise cabins are teeny with teeny bathrooms. we loved our bat cave -- a huge comfy bed with high thread count sheets, a sweet porter named "michael" (not his real name, he was indonesian) who made us towel puppies and monkeys and left us ice twice a day, and a bathroom that makes my british loo look like something out of 1945 (which it most likely is).

nine reasons i love my cruise ship bathroom over my UK loo

1. the mirror in my UK toilet is the size of a porthole, while the mirror in the cruise toilet is the size of a window. ironic.
2. the shower temperature is controllable and stable and hot all the time.
3. the toilet has a power flusher, instead of the multi-pump, consta-drip POS in UK
4. the shower uses maximum space in a small area, unlike my bill-and-ted-excellent-shower-booth in my rather large bathroom upstairs.
5. the shower door prevents water from leaving the shower area and splashing all over the bathroom
6. there was an exhaust fan. it even worked.
7. there was counter space. sad that there is more counter space on a cruise ship than in an actual house
8. there were towel racks and storage shelves to put things like toothbrushes and lotion and pepto
9. someone else cleaned it every day

greece: taking the bus to paradise

day four thru six: greece has a fantastic bus system. instead of paying the cruise company $200 a day to take an "excursion" with 39 members of the AARP and spend 40 minutes at each and every touristy spot, we opted to head to port, take the bus, and find out what these islands were all about.

mykonos lives up to its reputation as euro hot spot. it is small, dry, and full of beautiful beaches and great places to have cocktails. we spent a whole day on free sun chairs, drinking corona and heineken, swimming, and being glad that there were only a dozen or so people on our piece of paradise. are you jealous, yet? sorry about that. it is the nature of my blog right now. wait until february.

santorini was the most dramatic island i've ever seen. it's the remnants of a volcanic explosion in 1300 BC. the island is just half of the caldera that is sticking out above the water, and the cruise ship parked right in the middle of the lagoon. no sh*t, like crater lake/ocean. awesome. we hopped on some donkeys and rode the 1200 feet from the dock to the town above, found the bus, and went to Ia where we enjoyed ocean views, Greek beer (Mythos), and the best tadziki and feta i've ever tasted in my life. there was probably more in santorini -- museums or learning, but we need balance in our lives. for every day of learning, there must be a day for beer and beautiful relaxation.

crete. unfortunately, the boat dropped us off at the biggest city in crete, heraklion. a city like every city. so we opted for learning. we went to knossos, a minoan palace, and a museum. the minoans were the ancient-er greeks (wiki-wiki-wiki, learn, learn, learn). at this point as we go back in history (1500-1100BC), it stops having meaning. time compresses and i get a crisis of mortality. a perfect segue to a day at sea...

turkye: if by more fun you mean....

day one: turkey is a fairly modern place, it seems. istanbul is a huge city of 9 million, second only to paris in europe, boasting a skyline of minarets, an amazing history, and men who stare unabashedly at blonde women like me. our travel team included jonathan and erin (brunette with highlights), jeff and erica (really brunette), and dan and holly (sorta blonde-ish). as soon as we got off the boat, jeff started counting the shifty eyes and head turns as dudes checked out my pseudo-golden locks. we went to the Spice Market for a bit of shopping and one dude asked me to touch him and another asked me "do you want a baby? i will give you a baby!" holy cow. i don't know if blondes have more fun in turkey, but they sure do get more attention. stop trying to smell my hair, please.


day two: blue mosque (wow!) and aya sofia (wow times two!!) and grand bazaar. i won't bore you with the details. use wikipedia if you are a learner-type.


late in the afternoon of day two, we had our first "at sea" overnight as we cruised to our next stop, izmir (google maps: turkey). we soon noticed that not only were we bringing the average age on the boat from 69 years old down a few decades, but we were easily dropping the average weight down a deuce, deuce-and-a-half. these folks were not our peeps. they were mostly our parents peeps, but not as fun as our parents. we found out that it was best to hole up in Tankards and ask our friendly bartender to put on some hip-hop to keep the crowd at bay. they were especially not thrilled when, during the mandatory emergency life jacket drill, dan and i brought our Coronas to the staging area -- why sit through safety talks if you can't enjoy yourself? we're on vacation, people!


day three: izmir where we bartered for a couple of cabs to take us to ephesus -- aahhhhhh!!!! -- little english, crazy driving, and a few moments of uncertainty when the other cab suddenly stopped mid-freeway and ours kept going. luckily we had the walkies to keep in touch and we didn't pay until we were safely back at port. (you know, ephesus where the Ephesians lived in bible land. riiiiight. well, it was pretty awesome if you like toppled marble columns and history. i was duly impressed. they sure built things to last back then.)

vacation from vacation

my type of vacation usually entails shlepping luggage onto public transportation and hefting it through foreign streets whilst trying to find an unmarked hotel or driving down bike paths as directed by my GPS to find a hidden gem of a restaurant or an elusive but expensive parking space. this time we went on a cruise. i wasn't sure if i'd like cruising at first -- there are little asian women literally around every corner spritzing you with hand sanitizer to prevent the cruise ship sh*ts (mission not accomplished, thanks), there are two hefty life jackets in the closet, and the whole idea seemed sterile as compared to the hectic or slightly uncomfortable up-close vacations i'm used to.

but, in all, cruising was the way to go for this vacation from vacationing -- a relaxing, fun, easy, worry-free, with my husband, no planning required, no hotel finding, no restaurant disappointments, way to see three countries, four islands, a few pyramids, and a ton of toppled marble columns.

i could write a seventeen page blog about our 13 day trip to turkey, greece, and egypt, but that seems excessive. instead, i am going to download my pictures and maybe write a few short blogs, like this one, about things that were especially interesting (turkey, greece, egypt) or uncomfortable (like almost missing the sunset because i was stuck on the toilet on deck 12 aft).

this is actually the reason i started this blog in the first place -- because i travel. i started it so i could look back and remember some of the places that i've visited, not just to talk about toilet cleaning (white vinegar, trust me) and rainy british days. i already tried a conventional travel journal. talk about BORING. so this is it: my cruise journal. hopefully i can stick to it like an egyptian cabbie to a group of american tourists.

is cuddling possible?

after a long absence from one's partner, there is a tendency to idealize the reunion -- it will surely be chalked full of engaging conversation and comfortable silence, laughs of things forgotten and familiar about each other, additional extracurricular activities, and hours of cuddling. i have found 75 percent of this to be true; however, i have concluded after years of research that cuddling is in fact an impossible activity perpetuated by Hollywood and Hallmark.

i have an interesting inability to regulate my own body temperature, i.e. i am the same temperature as my immediate surroundings within 45 seconds, and dan is a personal furnace walking around warming the air around him. you'd think this would be good as he could keep me warm.

oh no. as he sleeps on his back, and me on my side, i try to casually drape my arm across his chest in a cuddly goodwill way, and within two minutes, my arm is en fuego, melting into him. we sit on the couch watching a movie and i lean into him, his arm around me. after a few minutes i shift positions. and then a few minutes more another shift. by the end of the previews, the only part of my body touching his is when we accidentally reach for the glass of ice water at the same time.

and the ultimate -- spooning. we don't have the heat on in our bedroom, even though the windows are drafty and the outside temperature is regularly dropping into the 30s at night. with only a couple of light blankets on the bed, you'd think it would be the perfect spoon environment. oh, hell no.

but we keep trying. me on my side, he scoots up next to me as i am usually freezing. he drapes his arm over my hips. minutes pass. i warm up. he's putting out 4,000 BTUs of heat. suddenly our legs are a pool of lava, and because of our unique position, my fine neck hairs are sporting icicles as a cold rush of air hits me every time he exhales. i have my head in the freezer and my legs in the oven! arrgh! i squirm away, he rolls over.

these days we sleep comfortably together, knowing cuddling is impossible and we shouldn't feel bad for failing at it, completely intertwined from the ankles down.