what's wrong with this picture

remember those pages in the Highlights kids magazine that had a picture and you had to go and pick out all the things that were out of place? like a dog wearing shoes or a banana as a door handle? well, as i do some of the most normal things during my america visit, i realize that they would be completely impossible in an english picture. for example:

• i am driving down a 5-lane road at 7 p.m. i come to a stoplight and realize that my sunglasses are missing a screw. i see a walgreens ahead, pull in, and buy an eyeglass repair kit for $2.99.
• in england: there are no 5-lane city streets, there are few stoplights, you rarely wear sunglasses, and there is no way that a pharmacy would be open anytime after 5:30 p.m., much less actually have what you are looking for.
• i am getting ready to go out in the bathroom, blow drying my hair and putting on some makeup when i realize i need to use the toilet. when the business is done, i flush and not everything disappears. so i flush again. and voila!
• in england: you can't get ready in the bathroom because there are no plugs for your hairdryer and no counter space to spread out your makeup and the mirror is the size of a dinner plate. you can't flush the same toilet twice in 10 minutes.
• as i write this, i am in a coffee shop with free wi-fi talking about college football with some complete strangers.
• in england: wi-fi is only free at libraries, people don't understand college football, and complete strangers would think you were insane if you began a conversation with them, i know from experience.
• i was waiting for a friend at a fast-food mexican restaurant where we needed to eat inside because it was too hot to eat outside. as we were eating, some dude walked in and sat at the table next to us wearing his 9mm strapped to a belt holster. he was not a cop.
• well, aside from heat and the lack of good tacos, this scenario seems just a little bit f*ed up for anyplace.

maybe i shouldn't have come here. i miss so much about america that i was actually lusting after full-size dishwashers during a trip to best buy. i wonder how long my love affair will last once i am back in suburbia eating at olive garden and having to drive to the cinemas and drink at a crappy bar on a saturday night? i have a feeling that the grass is always going to be greener. off to the old country in the morning for a pint of cask ale in a cozy pub with my friends...