17 again

i am finishing up my two-year-long substitute teaching career this week, and i am thrilled to be almost done. as i sit here in freshmen geography listening to 15-year-olds debate the merits of the death penalty, i can actually feel my brain dissolving into a pool of useless goo. except for the $400 worth of electronic equipment in the backpack of each pubescent moron, i am constantly amazed at how little has changed in the world of high school since i attended 15 years ago.

Erin and i went and watched the movie 17 Again last night, and i realized that, not only do i have no desire to re-live the late 90s, but even if i had an opportunity to "do it all over again" nothing would be that different. you would look as you did when you were 17, you would be treated the same way, the kids are in the same cliques with the same insults and insecurities. everything would seem tedious and dull, again.

you would know better and you're smarter, but that would just cause a severe case of claustrophobia and frustration. and being smarter than a high school student doesn't help people relate to high school students. if it did, maybe parents would have better relationships with their teens. i think the only part of me that apparently doesn't mind being 17 again is my chin, since i've had more zits in the last month than i have had in 11 years.

just thinking about going back seems sad and depressing. if high school was the highest point in your life, what does that make the rest of your life? you wouldn't even want to seduce the captain of the football team anymore because he would be SEVENTEEN, and the thought of sex with a 17-year-old child makes most sane people cringe. and if you are insane, and that barely legal action still appeals to you, talk about the most disturbing, awkward, skinny, fumbling, 15 seconds of your life.

many of us had great fun in high school, because we were 17 for the first and only time. there is a reason we're not a bunch of benjamin buttons. keep moving forward, folks. from what i've heard, things keep getting better and better. well, at least 45 seconds better, anyway.