Idiot-proofing the baby library: My review of “Opposites”

OPPOSITES

By Charles Reasoner.
8 pp. Rourke, 2011. (Board book; ages 6m+)

Reasoner, author of the geometric, yet creative, “Shapes” (2011), falls flat on his sophomore debut “Opposites.” Where “Shapes” delivers the clarity and variety infants crave through connecting a concept (square) with photos from items in their real, tactile world (block, cracker),“Opposites” is a totally confusing work that clearly identifies Reasoner as somewhere between barely literate and good at searching iStockphoto.

Although he started strong with “Big” – a green toy fish – and “Little” – a smaller version of the green toy fish, the remaining chapters offer little in the way of clarity or connection, symbolic or otherwise.

Just seeing “soft” is an invitation to slap Reasoner in the face, as the image, featuring a cute, fuzzy ladybug slipper begs the question: “How fucking ‘Soft’ can a cardboard book be?”

And it's opposite, “Hard” isn’t even another ladybug. It’s a creepy wooden red car giving birth to the head of a mime.  Just because it’s red with black dots, doesn’t mean it’s a ladybug. It’s confusing. He’s jeopardizing my child’s future.

Chapter 3, “In,” features neatly arranged blocks in their yellow wagon. “Out” is just a stack of blocks. Where is the reference point for “Out?”

We’re talking about teaching abstract concepts to a human that literally just now tried to eat dog food while farting, and the best this guy could do was a picture of a stack of blocks and call it “Out?”

In a wagon; out OF A WAGON, sir. 

Christ. Look around. Anyone can find some hard-up graphic design student and pay them $18 or a half-smoked blunt to Photoshop the fucking empty wagon next to the blocks.

We need associative learning here. It’s not that difficult: FULL glass of orange juice / EMPTY glass of orange juice. OPEN lid/ CLOSED lid. LONG ribbon / SHORT ribbon.

The children are our future, and Mr. Reasoner is irresponsible.

Lightbulb moment: Big/little? Hard/soft? In/out? Is this what I think it is?

This guy is a total fucking creep.